The film starts out with a black-and-white commercial for Sunset Retirement Home, introducing the viewers to the Suerintendant and Filipe. After the commercial, the Superintendant informs Lyle, a worker at Sunset, that he is falling ill. Lyle must take over and prepare for the seniors' Winter Pageant.
Filipe, the Workout Guru, holds a workout session for the seniors in his workout "Guroom". All of the seniors are present. One of the seniors, Teddy, has a heart condition and dies during the session.
Later, Lyle informs two of the seniors, Waldo and Roy, that they will be having Rotwurst for lunch. Waldo can't digest meat very well, and later walks into Lyle's office, constipated. Lyle gives Waldo a secret formula for relief, saying that one teaspoon of it "and those floodgates will open right up".
At the Winter pageant, Waldo, Roy, and another senior, Gerald, are dancing to some music. Waldo then walks over to the refreshment table to get himself some punch. He also tries to pour some of the concoction that Lyle gave him into his drink, but accidentally pours it into Lyle's cup instead.
Lyle, upon realizing this after drinking his cup of punch, rushes to the bathroom, and screams as his floodgates open. Blood flows from the bathroom stall.
Cast and CrewEdit
- Layne - director, music director, producer, writer, editor, cameraman, blood/punch mixer
- Kyle - cameraman, writer
- Kevin - cameraman, writer, blood/punch mixer
- Kipp - blood pourer
Behind the ScenesEdit
- Kyle and Layne recorded a song together for use during the Winter Pageant scene. Kyle recorded a guitar loop (based off a drum beat Kevin wrote, although he did not record). Layne recorded his vocals for the song.
- Layne also made some original music for the film, heard throughout as background music.
- Until the film was given a final name, its codename was "The Old Man Movie".
At the Sunset Old Folks Home, the Superintendent is going home sick and leaves Lyle in charge. Lyle tries his best to fill all the jobs, but is somewhat lacking (not to mention a couple deaths). He throws a party for the seniors. One of the seniors accidentally pours his super strong laxative into Lyle's drink, forcing Lyle to rush for the bathroom. The experience is so horrendous that he dies on the toilet.
Opening - CommercialEdit
Black and white TV
SUPERINTENDENT Hi. Are you 65 or above? Have you saved 500,000 dollars for retirement? Good! Then YOU can afford Sunset Old Folks home!
Montage of happy old people
SUPERINTENDENT Located on the corner of [static] and [static], Sunset Old Folks home has been helping the seniors of America live out their lives in dignity! Here, we offer free funeral services to YOU! Our Workout Guru will get you fit!
Cuts to a shot of the "Workout Guru", Filipe.
FILIPE I'll get you fit
SUPERINTENDENT Learn how to navigate the internet.
Cuts to a shot of an old man by a computer.
TEDDY Accept my friend invitation on Twitter!
SUPERINTENDENT And you'll get to play thrilling games and activities like... BINGO! So come on down to Sunset Old Folks Home and sign up today, 'cause remember: Just because you're old, doesn't mean you have to act like it!™
Sunset old folks home - Lobby - MorningEdit
Lyle walks into the lobby of the Old Folks Home, ready to start the workday taking care of the old people. The Superintendent, in charge of the home, is walking out. He periodically coughs and blows his nose.
SUPERINTENDENT Ah! Lyle. Just who I wanted to see. Listen; I'm coming down with a doozie of a cold. I really don't want to risk getting one of the seniors infected, so I'm going to go home and leave you in charge of the building. That means overseeing all functions for the seniors, setting up the BINGO tables, making sure they're fed...oh! And tonights their winter pageant, so you'll have to set up all the events for that. Shouldn't be too hard, since most of 'em went home for the holidays. So, you think you can handle it?
Lyle looks a little unsure, but confident.
LYLE Sure, no problem.
SUPERINTENDENT Great. I'll call you tomorrow.
The Superintendent walks out.
Sunset Old Folks Home - Rec Room - MorningEdit
Breakfast time. A menu on the wall lists the current meal: scrambled eggs, fruit bits, hash, and assorted mush. All the seniors are sitting at the fold-out tables, waiting for their food. Lyle goes to the front of the room to speak.
LYLE Um, attention everyone. Attention.
The old folks slowly turn their attention to Lyle.
LYLE Um, I just have a quick announcement. Unfortunately, the Superintendent has fallen ill and will not be joining us for the remainder of the week. So while he's gone, I will be in charge. So if any of you have any questions or problems, you can just um, come see me. All right? Is everyone good?
Waldo raises his hand.
LYLE Yes, Waldo?
WALDO Are we going to have the split pea soup for lunch?
LYLE Um, no. We're having rotwurst for lunch today.
WALDO You know, I don't digest meat very well.
LYLE Yes, well... Gilda requested it last week, so that's what we're having.
TEDDY Gilda passed on yesterday.
LYLE Oh, she did? [pause] Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well I'm sure she would have wanted us to carry on without her. So, um, you guys enjoy your meal, and I'll be in my office if anyone needs me.
Lyle walks off.
Sunset Old Folks Home - Lyle's office - Noon/AfternoonEdit
Lyle is filling out an obituary paper for Gilda when someone knocks on the door.
LYLE Come in.
It's Waldo. Waldo comes in and sits down.
WALDO Mr. Lyle, I'm sorry to disturb you. But I've got a little problem.
LYLE Alright. Just lay it on me.
WALDO Well, this is sort of embarrassing, but um... I'm very constipated at the moment. Like, big cloggage down there.
LYLE Oh, well that's not good. Did you possibly eat something bad or rancid?
WALDO No, it was the rotwurst. I told you I had problems digesting meats.
LYLE Oh yeah. Well try taking some over-the-counter medication, maybe Clog Begone or Lax-O-Max.
WALDO Tried 'em all. Didn't do a thing.
Oh dear. Sounds pretty serious. [looks around] Well... [lowers voice] I probably shouldn't be doing this, but...
Lyle reaches onto a shelf behind his desk and pulls down a bottle.
LYLE ...since you're really desperate. Alright. This is a new super strength concoction a certain pharmaceutical company's been working on. It's like laxative on steroids that are taking laxatives with super-fiber. Don't ask me how I got it.
Lyle hands Waldo the bottle.
LYLE Just take one teaspoon of that and those flood gates will open right up.
WALDO Alright. Thanks, Lyle.
LYLE No problem. Just let me know if you have any more problems.
Sunset Old Folks Home - Exercise Room - AfternoonEdit
Filipe gay-walks into the fitness room, holding a boom box. He sets it down, reaches up and stretches down.
FILIPE Hola mis amigos. Soy Filipe de Mexico. Como estan? It's time bailar. It's time, boyzzz, to dance!
The old men have a look of horror on their faces. Filipe presses a button. Aerobics music plays.
FILIPE Alright children, are you ready for a workout with Workout Guru Filipe?
Filipe does many aerobic things with a stool, dumbells, etc. The old men do their exercises as best as they can. Teddy tries to do one of the exercises, obviously straining. Then he collapses. It takes a second for Filipe and the others to notice. Filipe walks over to Teddy and checks his pulse. Filipe is a little shocked.
WALDO Is Teddy okay?
FILIPE Uh... alright, lets just keep going with your exercises. No cause for alarm.
The old men continue, while Filipe walks over to the intercom and turns it on.
FILIPE [Into intercom] Uh Lyle? Can you get the custodian?
LYLE [through intercom] No. He left early today. Why?
FILIPE Well...um... [in hushed voice] we got another dead one.
LYLE Oh dear. I'll be right there.
FILIPE And bring a mop too. I think he lost his bladder control.
Filipe returns to the front of the room to lead the exercises. Lyle walks in. He's slightly disgusted. He walks to Teddy's body and hovers around him, not sure how to proceeded. Then he grabs Teddy by the legs and drags him awkwardly out the door.
FILIPE Alright darlings, lets jog in place. 1, 2, 3, 4, here we go now.
The seniors slowly rise and start to jog in place, but then slip in a puddle of Teddy's pee and fall to the floor.
Sunset Old Folks Home - Rec Room - Evening/NightEdit
The room is filled with meager Christmas decorations. All the seniors are huddled at one table, playing BINGO. Lyle sees this and walks over.
LYLE Hey guys, how's everyone doing?
The seniors mumble answers back to Lyle.
LYLE Come on guys. Lets liven this party up. I got some real nice music for you guys. Maybe you can dance a little bit, drink some punch? That sound good?
The seniors mumble answers again. Lyle assumes they're in agreement.
Lyle goes to the boom box and presses play. Guitar music starts playing with weird vocals. The seniors slowly start to get into the groove. The stand up (some fail) and go out into the middle of the room. They each do their own dance moves to the music.
Meanwhile, Waldo goes to the refreshments. He realizes he forgot his glasses, but continues anyway. He pores himself some punch and sets his cup next to someone else's. He takes out the bottle of laxatives Lyle gave to him as well as a spoon. He holds the spoon over his cup and attempts to pour some of the liquid into it. He misses and pours the whole bottle into the cup next to his. He dunks the empty spoon into his cup, puts away the bottle, and walks away, sipping his punch as he goes.
Lyle walks up to the table and grabs his cup. It seems fuller than he remembered. He downs the whole cup and watches the seniors dance. He smacks his lips, pondering the unusual taste of the punch. Then it hits him. He drops his cup and sprints out of the room.
He runs down the hall, trying to hold it in. He makes it to the bathroom, but the door is locked! He takes out his giant keyring full of keys and fumbles to find the right one. He can't hold it in much longer.
LYLE No! No!!!
He finds the right key, yanks open the door, and dashes into the nearest stall. He barely has time to sit when the sound of an explosively runny dookie is heard. Lyle screams in pain.
LYLE Uhhhhhh!!! Ahhuhuh!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Then silence. [pause] A puddle of blood seeps out from under the stall door.